you have to choose: penises or morals?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize