hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
