When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
