am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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