Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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