No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
