piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
