We're facebook friends in real life
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
