Say something about gay babies.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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