Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
