Say something about gay babies.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
