I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
