I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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