question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
