Jerry, you need to find god
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
