It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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