Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
