I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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