I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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