She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
