i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
