is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
