Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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