If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
