Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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