I'd wear matching sweaters with you
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
