mondays should just be called national damage control day
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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