i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
