Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
