I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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