sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just invented taco cereal.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
