is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
