last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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