I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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