I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
