The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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