If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
