The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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