so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
