somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
