So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
