We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
