dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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