a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize