its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The adults are the big ones right?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
