I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I pour the whiskey from now on
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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