I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
