so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
