Grow some girl-balls and come out already
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize