he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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