you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
