Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
whose parrot is this?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
