Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
