Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
