First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
