May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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