Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
