ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
