I hope mine doesn't look like that
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
