I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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