I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
