; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
