just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
