I like my sex mixed with concussions.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
