The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
