Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
