I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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