I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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