I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
