I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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