Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
