I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize