you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
false alarm, still single
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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