Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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