I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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