Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
