If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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