tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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