being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
